Grief

I remember the summer holidays of 2019 after graduating from high school. Future was so bleak and i was utterly confused about the next step. I for one didn’t want to start university right after high school but i didn’t know what i wanted to do to pass the time. And you know that thing that says “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop”? Yeah. It caught me. Not the devil. My curiosity. Where do people go when they die? How does it even feel to be dead? I wanted to know how it would feel if i didn’t exist anymore. I wanted to hear what people would say when they had the safety of knowing I’d never find out what they said about me. What they’d do without me. How the world would be without me. If there’d even be a difference.

And So i faked my death on August 6th. I planned for it to last about three days and i didn’t think too much about it getting out of hand. I just wanted to know. So I posted my picture on my WhatsApp status and captioned R.I.P. underneath- i made them believe my sister did that of course 😅.
I started getting texts and calls and this thing was getting blown out of proportion. My friend, Solape was already on her way to my house to see for herself. I put off my read receipts and viewed all the reposts of my death. Not gonna lie, it felt good getting to be alive after my “death”. Until someone from church called my sister’s phone to ask if it was true. And then she heard me talk and she was really mad. Because apparently, we’d lost a boy in church earlier that year (God rest his soul). I realized how insensitive it was to have done that. Increased blood pressures and triggered traumas. I had hoped my parents wouldn’t find out -they never did😅.
This post stayed on my status for about 18 minutes and it had escalated so much. Long story short, i took down the post and apologized to my contact list. That night, i was scared to sleep because what if i didn’t wake up the next day 💀😭? But obviously, I’ve been waking up everyday and I’m so so thankful😂. That was a very rough play. And I’m kind of glad i felt what i felt even though it was incomplete.

Now,

What comes to your mind when you hear “Death. Or died, or dead”
The difference between the three though,
“Death” is an abstract noun.
“Died” is a verb.
“Dead” is an adjective.
Three words with a common meaning ” doesn’t exist anymore”

When something or someone dies they seize to exist. They become memories. Their time stops. Their hope evaporates. They become cold. And for a month, or as little as a week or even a day. They live rent free in the minds of those that loved them.

The thing about grief, first off, they’re like tall walls, resonating at very very short frequencies. With time, they’re still the same tall walls, but resonating at longer frequencies than initially. At that time, we’re able to feel alive amidst all the grief. Amidst the pain and the hurt. And we’re able to handle it better.

If only people knew how long they were going to live on earth, things would be very different. More dreams would be fulfilled. More words would be said. And less too. Time wouldn’t have to be wasted chasing the things that would be irrelevant in the long run. Imagine mapping out your life plan according to how long you were given to live. Blisssss!!!
Imagine doing school for 25 whole years and dying a day to graduation. What then would be the essence of the schooling? Of the life given?

But since we don’t know,
I think it’s better those speeches that are said in funerals are said on birthdays instead. Not even just birthdays. Every chance we get. I mean, why leave good words unsaid until the time the person will never know?