20 days to 20 years

I remember 7 years ago when I turned 13 and became a teenager. I wasn’t particularly pumped because I’d heard teenagers were crazy people. But I was ready to embrace the changes that came with teenage. Physical and Social and Emotional and others.

The last six years have been a rollercoaster. The highs and the lows and everything in between. So much growth, so much challenges, so much experiences, so much anger, so much joy, so much blood, sweat and tears. So many memories.

~~~Got into senior high school, had my first serious crush, got in a toxic cycle, got out of the toxic cycle, had amazing friends, outgrew some of the amazing friends, lost some of the amazing friends, discovered my love for writing, wrote my first external examinations, graduated high school, got into the University, survived the pandemic, witnessed a nationwide protest, started my blog, got depressed, had my first kiss, got into a relationship, got out of the relationship quickly, read a lot of books, got into a situationship, got heartbroken from the situationship, took huge risks, started a business, failed the business, learnt a skill, got into a relationship, got broken up with, found a rhythm that works with me and some.

A lot of things seem so small at the time, it’s only long after, when we look back, that we notice them. The moment when things came together. And the moments when things fell apart. These experiences have shaped me into the young woman that I am and –

As I let go of my teen years,

These are some things I’m making peace with…

~ 1. I am making peace with the fact that I’m getting older and stuff like fear of missing out and milestone anxiety are becoming realer and it’s okay to not be where I envisioned myself to be five years ago. What matters is that I’m not where I used to be. Small progress is still progress.

~ 2. I am making peace with relationships ending and not getting closure. Sometimes, chapters come to a close without clear explanations. And chasing after “the why” only disrupts my calm. I’ve realized that there will always come a time where we have to stop trying to force clarity and start being with the truth of what is.

~ 3. I am making peace with having to deal with the same hurts more than once. Some things may always be painful and grief is not linear. Instead of beating myself up over “not being” healed, I am learning to show compassion and grace to myself.

~ 4. I am making peace with some people being upset with me for saying “no”. Honouring my boundaries and being clear about my capacity is essential. Not everyone would like that I am unavailable and that is okay. Protecting my peace is going to sometimes look like letting go and allowing things be what they are. And I’m bracing myself up for that.

5) I am making peace with the fact that I am an adult now and I’m no longer a child and this is my life and I can’t be letting people – friends and family, dictate to me what I want or should want. I’d never be a kid again. Ever. And I need to stop listening to the voice in my head that tries to shrink me and whisper stuff like “what do you know? You’re just a kid”. I don’t know all, but I sure know a lot.

Life is a journey of discovery. There will be moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair. But whichever one it is, the faithfulness of God has met me every morning with the gift of life and nothing can dethrone the power and possibility of a good God. Hello 20. I’m ready.