Betterthanlife

This post is long due. Better late than neverrrr thouuuuu.

Yeah, so I’m finally seventeen and I’ve got big plans for the new age. Some plans that didn’t quite come through the last age and some new ones as well.

‘Sixteen’ wasn’t an easy age I must say. But it wasn’t the least bit surprising to me. I remember one of my letters to God where I sort of predicted it anyway. I left high school, got into the university, lost friends, understood that sometimes you just have to explain to your parents instead of always nodding yes, confirmed my trust issues, doubted myself, confessed long hidden feelings, accepted the rejection, got unexplainable mood swings and all.

All that aside, I’m a year older now even if it feels like nothing’s changed. I’m anticipating challenges with victories alongside. But my greatest wish for the next 365 days is to get to know God better and build a more intimate relationship with him. Because I believe a healthy relationship with God brings peace and fulfillment.

• Growing up
• The real reality
• The Journey Begins

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The society we live in today has its own perception about beauty:) Long hair, slim and slender body, tall or at least, average height, pink lips, straight legs and all.

– If you aren’t any of these, they term you FAT. And they view you as disgusting, slothful, lazy, incompetent and stupid.

I am not a slim person. Some people say I’m not fat, some people say I’m too fat. But then, since everyone is indecisive, it boils down to how I view myself. But this isn’t about me. This is about everyone who has in one way or the other felt humiliated and bullied because they’re robost.

In essence,

– People are constantly judging us. They make critical and in most cases, extremely sensitive comments about your body that someway somehow affects your self-esteem. Some people even go the extra mile to say “Be careful so you don’t dig your grave with your spoon”. By being so visible and taking up so much space, in a strange way, we feel invisible. When you enter a room, you feel the eyes assessing you and then they slide off you. I as a person detest full body pictures because I’m yet to accept the outline of my curves, contours and edges. I’ve met people that were interested in my body and not the person in the body. It’s really sad and i feel this extra pressure to prove that I’m more than the body.

In April, i checked my weight and it was 83kg. I was obese! The smallest parts of my body were my ankles and my wrists. The way my belly folded, i had three stomachs. For like a week, i was stress eating and i gained 2kg extra. Then i took the big step. I downloaded workout apps. With strong hopes that they could work me out of the obesity.

I was judicious in following them and avoiding the most eaten food in Nigeria – RICE. My siblings and i ordered pizza at least once a week during the quarantine and we had to stop because of me. But it was worth it because as at May, I’d lost 7kg and i weighed 78kg. But I got overwhelmed with elation and i stopped working out☠️.

I am a Christian and I believe in God. I believe in art and the diversity of things. And until the whole world accepts that all things and people cannot be the same, it won’t experience the level of growth that it so much desires. Some people feel your size is what you are. I mean, if you’re big, you are strong and should be able to withstand those dreadful comments, afterall, you put this upon yourself. Sometimes, we can’t control it. A lot of factors contribute to it. It will interest you to know that people actually stress-eat when dealing with emotional situations.

~ I just feel everyone should be responsible when making comments about people’s bodies. We are all equal in the sight of God.

If you grew up perfectly in Nigeria, you don’t know what God has done for you. To crown it all, being a girl child….

Parents make you do things with the phrase “…as a girl…” Or “…when you get to your husband’s house…” These phrases in particular totally turn me off. I mean, I’m not going through all these stress only to end up in ..”husband’s house”☠️

On the bus back from the market one day, i sat behind two women. They looked like they were in their early fifties. Turned out their daughters graduated from the same high school. I overheard their conversation. Not like i was eavesdropping though, but they were loud. SMH, Yoruba women.

One of the women (say Mrs A) was telling the other woman (say Mrs Z), how her daughter had finally gained admission to study industrial physics in the University of Lagos. Mrs Z congratulated her and was like “Thank God for you o. Before you know it, four years will be over and then, the next thing is to go and choose “aso-ebi” (Yoruba word for matching party clothes) in the market” ☠️☠️☠️

I was so irritated. The fact that many other women, not just Mrs A and Mrs Z, fall into this category is baffling . The typical cycle. Elementary school, high school, University and then, boom! Marriage.

They have zero interests in whatever you want to do with your life, so far after school is marriage. My mom is not like that and I’m so glad. Although, she expects that marriage should be on my radar. Not like I’m against getting married but I don’t subscribe to the stereotypical idea behind it. Girls have a particular age where they’re expected to be married and once they’re in that age bracket, there’s this pressure they’re placed under by society to “settle down”.

I think before walking down the aisle, man or woman, there are certain heights you should have attained. Personally, i don’t plan to get married if i don’t have a stable financial life or source of income basically. I don’t want my kids to suffer. And there are so many other places I’d like to develop myself in before taking that very huge step.

Anyways, this is just the snippet of the cons of growing up in my side of the world.

Every year, we pass our birthdays and know we were born that day. Every year, we also pass our death days and have absolutely no clue.

It’s really not fair that we all have to struggle through life, yet, no one will make it out alive. Being a living puppet to another man’s idea of “truth” cages people’s mindsets and before you know it, the best parts of their lives have passed.

I really dread having to do my things in someone else’s way when my way could have been better, simply because I’m scared to take risks. I want to take the risks and see the comebacks. Yes, experience is the best teacher and sometimes, the tuition is too high. But majority of the time, it’s worth it. Smart people learn from other people’s mistakes and even successes.

There are so many ways to live this life. I may not agree with yours and you may not agree with mine. No problem. But there’s going to be problem when you now try to impose your own perspective on me🙂

Updating this on May 16th, 2023.

I got the starting quote from my friend’s WhatsApp post one time and I wrote it down in my journal. He passed away six months ago. Today’s his post-hummus birthday I decided to write this here to honor him. God rest your soul, Ahmed.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton